“Truth hurts but it is the truth.”

Will you tell the truth to your friend even if it will hurt him/her?

An essay for Psychology by Joey D. Bidan Jr.

All of us have already reached a point in our lives where we have to compromise. We are given choices that are hard to make, daily conflicts that shapes our fate every time we confront them. One of these is telling the truth. God has given us the free will to choose to tell it or otherwise, lie.  The very reason why ‘lying’ exists is simply because the truth most of the time hurts. But why? Why is it that doing something good, is always a hard decision for us? We are all scared of being hurt or hurting somebody else it came a point that we have to create that ‘sweet lemon’ category of lying we call now as a ‘white lie.’ Is there a black lie? Red lie? Why the heck do we even have to give a color to a deadly sin?

A lie and a white lie. What difference do these have? A white lie they said is committed, for the good of the person you are telling it to – a defense mechanism in the back of our heads to avoid further conflict but a conflict in our selves nonetheless in the form of conscience. This came about because there are two kinds of people on earth, those who are frank and those who please. People-pleasers are those who choose to tell lies or bend the truth for the common good. They want to please people either because they’re scared to hurt them and lose a friend or eventually avoiding chaotic situations. Frank people are stereotyped as selfish because they say what they wanted to say and no one could stop their freedom of expression, bulldozing people’s sensitive emotions if they have to. For them, truth and honor is more important because it is the only way for them to know who their real friends are.

Telling the truth is the ultimate test of our morality. Every single day, nobody could escape the decision to lie. Just like what a popular song tells us, “…Honesty…is such a lonely word. Everyone is UNTRUE! Honesty…is hardly ever heard…mostly what I need from you.” Everyone is so untrue indeed. I’m wondering if Mother Theresa or Pedro Calungsod lied at least once in their lives. Now, since everybody lies who do we have to trust?

The value of our trust depends not on how many times a person was honest to us but how frequent that person lies. This is so unfair because even if a person is truthful or faithful to you for so many years, a single lie could ruin it all. We only count the bad things done instead of the good ones.

I have a girlfriend for almost three years. She remained faithful to me even if I became intimately involved to other women for so many times already. If everybody deserves a second chance, well I got five (Don’t judge me please. This was the period in my life when I was still young and immature.). Then it came a time when she has to go to Pangasinan to work, leaving me behind to finish my studies.  She did not doubt, she did not question me even if I already have a bad record. This long distance relationship was going smoothly at first; she only comes home once a year. It only became rough when she gathered a lot of close friends, mostly men. To make a long story short, our nightly unlimited calls became infrequent, I felt she was hiding something from me then eventually when she could not hold it any longer, she bursted in tears telling me something happened with her and another guy. I was speechless at that moment and it shattered my world. The truth punched me hard on the face. Do I have to forgive her in return for her forgiving me on my sins? Did she even forgive me on purpose so she could give in to temptation in the future? Nevertheless, the truth crumbled our relationship gradually because jealousy became a common issue all the time – it was no longer healthy for both of us. A sad a reality that we have to accept, long distance won’t work even it makes the heart grow fonder.

I don’t have to be hypocrite. If a friend is blind on the truth about himself, I will not tell him about it but instead help him discover it for himself. Yes, I am a shameless liar and I don’t have to defend myself about it because that is my personality. Still, it doesn’t mean that I don’t battle against it every day in my conscience because there are times that I am honest if it doesn’t hurt. I am a people-pleaser and I don’t want to make my life complicated by becoming a hero all the time. Jack Sparrow from The Pirates of the Caribbean once said, “…a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly, it’s the honest person you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they’re going to do something incredibly stupid…” Agreeing with him, a simple life of lying for me is better than an honest, miserable life of stupidity.