Will you tell the truth to your friend
even if it will hurt him/her?
An essay for Psychology by Joey D. Bidan Jr.
All of us have already reached a point in
our lives where we have to compromise. We are given choices that are hard to
make, daily conflicts that shapes our fate every time we confront them. One of
these is telling the truth. God has given us the free will to choose to tell it
or otherwise, lie. The very reason why ‘lying’ exists is simply because the
truth most of the time hurts. But why? Why is it that doing something good, is
always a hard decision for us? We are all scared of being hurt or hurting
somebody else it came a point that we have to create that ‘sweet lemon’
category of lying we call now as a ‘white lie.’ Is there a black lie? Red lie?
Why the heck do we even have to give a color to a deadly sin?
A lie and a white lie. What difference do
these have? A white lie they said is committed, for the good of the person you
are telling it to – a defense mechanism in the back of our heads to avoid
further conflict but a conflict in our selves nonetheless in the form of
conscience. This came about because there are two kinds of people on earth,
those who are frank and those who please. People-pleasers are those who choose
to tell lies or bend the truth for the common good. They want to please people
either because they’re scared to hurt them and lose a friend or eventually
avoiding chaotic situations. Frank people are stereotyped as selfish because
they say what they wanted to say and no one could stop their freedom of
expression, bulldozing people’s sensitive emotions if they have to. For them,
truth and honor is more important because it is the only way for them to know
who their real friends are.
Telling the truth is the ultimate test of
our morality. Every single day, nobody could escape the decision to lie. Just
like what a popular song tells us, “…Honesty…is such a lonely word. Everyone is
UNTRUE! Honesty…is hardly ever heard…mostly what I need from you.” Everyone is
so untrue indeed. I’m wondering if Mother Theresa or Pedro Calungsod lied at
least once in their lives. Now, since everybody lies who do we have to trust?
The value of our trust depends not on how
many times a person was honest to us but how frequent that person lies. This is
so unfair because even if a person is truthful or faithful to you for so many
years, a single lie could ruin it all. We only count the bad things done
instead of the good ones.
I have a girlfriend for almost three years.
She remained faithful to me even if I became intimately involved to other women
for so many times already. If everybody deserves a second chance, well I got
five (Don’t judge me please. This was the period in my life when I was still
young and immature.). Then it came a time when she has to go to Pangasinan to
work, leaving me behind to finish my studies. She did not doubt, she did
not question me even if I already have a bad record. This long distance
relationship was going smoothly at first; she only comes home once a year. It
only became rough when she gathered a lot of close friends, mostly men. To make
a long story short, our nightly unlimited calls became infrequent, I felt she
was hiding something from me then eventually when she could not hold it any
longer, she bursted in tears telling me something happened with her and another
guy. I was speechless at that moment and it shattered my world. The truth
punched me hard on the face. Do I have to forgive her in return for her
forgiving me on my sins? Did she even forgive me on purpose so she could give
in to temptation in the future? Nevertheless, the truth crumbled our
relationship gradually because jealousy became a common issue all the time – it
was no longer healthy for both of us. A sad a reality that we have to accept,
long distance won’t work even it makes the heart grow fonder.
I don’t have to be hypocrite. If a friend
is blind on the truth about himself, I will not tell him about it but instead
help him discover it for himself. Yes, I am a shameless liar and I don’t have
to defend myself about it because that is my personality. Still, it doesn’t
mean that I don’t battle against it every day in my conscience because there
are times that I am honest if it doesn’t hurt. I am a people-pleaser and I
don’t want to make my life complicated by becoming a hero all the time. Jack
Sparrow from The Pirates of the Caribbean once said, “…a dishonest man you can
always trust to be dishonest. Honestly, it’s the honest person you want to
watch out for, because you can never predict when they’re going to do something
incredibly stupid…” Agreeing with him, a simple life of lying for me is better
than an honest, miserable life of stupidity.
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