‘Sour Grapes’ and ‘Sweet Lemon’

My Analysis and Reflection

By: Joey D. Bidan Jr.

T

he ego defense of rationalization involves the use of weak but seemingly believable arguments either to justify one’s beliefs (‘sour grapes’) or to make them seem ‘not so bad after all’ (‘sweet lemons’). ‘Sour grapes’ is named after one of the fables attributed to Aesop, The Fox and the Grapes. This is how the story goes:

One hot summer’s day a Fox was strolling through an orchard till he came to a bunch of Grapes just ripening on a vine which had been trained over a lofty branch. ‘Just the thing to quench my thirst’, quoth he. Drawing back a few paces, he took a run and a jump, and just missed the bunch. Turning round again with a One, Two, Three, he jumped up, but with no greater success. Again and again he tried after the tempting morsel, but at last had to give it up, and walked away with his nose in the air, saying: ‘I am sure they are sour.’

To be honest, I have never encountered such idioms before and was having a hard time relating to them at first. Yet when I read the fable about the fox and visualized how frustrated he was on failing to reach the grapes that he wanted, I smiled and reckoned that this moral is true to all of us. I reflected that somehow I was like this in my high school days. It is really a frustration to see my well-to-do (rich) classmates show off gadgets I could not afford at that time. At first, I despise them for being braggarts and I hated myself for being so envious. Yes, I do say "Nahh, those cellphones are useless for me anyway." but somehow I could not convince myself that it is true. Every single day I see them play Gameboy or the Nokia 3310, extravagance that my family refuses to buy for me I feel hurt inside and it came a time that this conflict is so mentally torturous that I decided I have to do something about it.

I may not have skills in sports or stage talents but I was given the gift to understand and get things done right away. So one day, I saw this crowd of rich kids playing away and I just passed by saying in a loud voice that we're having a series of reports in chemistry and Araling Panlipunan. I know these kids never do their homeworks on time and correctly guessed they will ask me if I'm done already. I said I finished a spare report that I have no use of and I could probably lend that one in exchange for a whole day playing with a Gameboy. A second later, there was sort of a riot between this kids arguing to volunteer to letting me play first just to have a free report.

From that day on, my defense mechanism is no longer sour grapes but became sweet lemon. If I want something, I don't get easily frustrated because I know I have something to offer in return. I became patient and took my time working to achieve it. In college, I was envy of this call center agents with branded shirts and shoes; partying with gorgeous women and; everybody look up to as experts of the English language. I wanted to be one of them that I shrugged off the idea of graduating. I told myself, "I may not be one of them now but sooner or later, I will be." - which was a sweet lemon. I tried going back to APAC a lot of times but failed. The frustration started to grow when they ditched me six times already and I saw a lot of my friends get hired in just a span of two years. I felt like my mechanism is going back to sour grapes.

This is when I started praying hard. I was so obsessed with that profession (if it is even a profession) that I did not realize I should be asking God to help me finish my course.

So I was overjoyed when my prayers were answered when I became an agent in Cebu. I felt the sin of pride but it felt so good. After a year, it quickly fades away when I woke up one day thinking about the more important things in life than vanity. I was no longer happy. I was so alone in Cebu for becoming so selfish. So I decided to go home, get that diploma and think of my family first from now on.

Man will never be contented in his search for happiness. Conflicts arise if we don’t get what we want so we become desperate at times or become mad with God, blaming Him for denying us with our caprices. I learned that humility is the best solution for this. Let God’s will be done because He will always have a better plan for us. Just do what always pleases Him and let Him surprise you. Don’t be the sour grape but the sweet lemon. You know what they say, “If you can’t have what you love, love what you already have.”